Money Hungry

Dear Money Hungry,

If I gave you a bag of crap, would you eat 5% of it and send the rest back? Even with honey and sprinkles on top?

Think about it, Hookers keep more than 5% of their cut. Stop being ‘Money Hungry’ and become ‘Money Savy’. You’re better off looking for a part-time gig then doing something crazy and illegal.

Please don’t let me see you on ‘Cops’ and get locked up for stupidity! (But if you do appear on ‘Cops’, don’t forget to promote this website.)

With that being said, please refer your friend to his/her local Amscot. Here’s their website if you need it, www.amscotfinancial.com.

Your Friend,

JC

Kori-Ann

Dear Kori-Ann,

This is another question I get asked a LOT. I get it the most from people in the United States, where they teach you that anyone can be rich but forget to mention that not everyone can.

It’s a very common desire, fed by dreams of enormous, shining Hummers with 24-inch wheels that keep spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning even after the car stops.

But remember what I once said: “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” (That’s in Matthew 19:24, for those of you who are unfamiliar with my work.)

So you know what that means: unless there are some REALLY small camels walking around somewhere, Bill Gates ain’t gettin into heaven. (Unless he hooks us all up with Windows Vista for free. That would be pretty sweet.)

My point is that getting rich may not be what you really want. You may just seek the relative comfort and security that comes with a middle-class income.

If that’s the case, I would suggest going back to school to learn a trade. There may be some careers out there that you haven’t considered. You’d be surprised how much clowns make, and the job is a lot of fun. Or you can get elected to Congress; they get to vote on their own raises! As a matter of fact, being a clown seems to increase your chances of getting elected to Congress.

Anyway, many people think that being rich is the key to happiness. But people who do a job they love for low pay are generally happier than those who get rich doing a job they hate. Focus on finding a job that you love, and living your life in a way that you love. If the money comes, it comes. But chances are, you won’t care anymore.

Good Luck,

Jesus

P.S. If you still want to get rich, I can use my omnipotent abilities to make sure you win the lottery. Unfortunately there is a long line of people ahead of you who asked me first, so I won’t be able to squeeze you in until August 2023. Let me know, and I’ll put you on the list. Thanks!