-Peruvian42

Dear Peruvian42,

Hola! (Which also means ‘Hello’).

The strange nature about your government is that they, unfortunately, have always labeled outsiders with color. Since the conception of this country, starting from the invasion of the British Red coats, then came U.S.S.R. Red commies, then came the Blue man group, and then out of nowhere came you: aliens. Well, Green aliens to be exact.

We all know you come here in peace and that you mean no harm. To ensure peace, again, your government wanted a way to keep track of you via a high tech piece of equipment called: the immigration card. The immigration card is a simple concept; just like a credit card but without any money, you carry this piece of paper around and somehow the government and its fellow citizens feel safe from outer space attacks and abductions.

Over time, the aliens didn’t like to be labeled as immigrants; they just wanted to fit in and contribute to the rest of society. After much lobbying, protesting, and several terrifying U.F.O. sightings, the ‘immigration card’ changed to the… Green card.

Now, everything good in this world is represented by the color Green: Green trees, Green traffic lights, Green American Express, Green M&M’s, and the Greenbay Packers just to name a few.

Oh, that reminds me; I have to head out to Greenwise Market for some Green eggs and ham.

Hasta luego,

Jeesus (or Hay-soos).

-40’s

Dear 40’s,

Man, I was hoping nobody would ask this question.

Okay, look: some scientists have said that the precise combination of conditions that coincided to create the emergence of complex life forms on this planet is so improbable that it almost certainly has not been repeated elsewhere in the universe. They would probably put the odds at something like 1/100,000,000.

They’re wrong, of course. Any free-thinking, optimistic young scientist would see that the universe, by definition, is infinite. And an infinite universe would move the denominator of the fraction infinitely close to zero. So for all intents and purposes, the probability of complex alien life is more like n/0, with n being any number that you choose to plug in. It could be 1/0, 13/0, or 100,000,000/0. It doesn’t matter, because they’re all basically equivalent to 1. Which is 100%. So, scientifically speaking, there is almost certainly life on other planets.

Of course, none of that crazy math matters, because we aren’t speaking scientifically. Because a random combination of environmental factors did not create life on Earth. God did. And He did it in a couple of days.

So did God create life on any other planets? Yes. The reason He was able to do it so quickly on Earth was that He practiced first on other planets.

On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Well, I’ll just cross out this part and tell you people what you want to hear. I’ll leave this section to be read by the wisest among you.

So Earth is the only planet with life. Yup. Absolutely.

Thanks for the question,

Jesus