Posts Tagged ‘people’
Why Am I Not At The Top Of My Friends My Space List?
October 18th, 2008
dear jeesus,
i’m new at this whole my space thing and i already feel left out. why am i not at the top of my friends my space list? i feel very left out. how do i get to the top and not continue to be a “my space loser?”
-tom’s best friend
Dear Tom’s Best Friend,
Just hang in there. Myspace is just like anything else in life; we always have to start from the bottom and it’s up to us to climb up the ladder to accomplish our goals.
Don’t feel so bad, as I have finally created a myspace page a month ago and have been gaining friends here and there. Sure it’s a slow process, but that’s how I would like it to be. I would hate receiving 1,000+ requests a day saying, “I love you Jeesus! You’re so funny! May you please be my friend?!” I can bearly keep up with the 1,000+ requests just from you earthlings requesting ,”I love him, he beats me, should I stay with him?” Ugh! **Shakes head in disbelief**
I guess you’re a female so you have it pretty good for now, as most guys have to filter those strange friend’s request. You know, the request with some “nice” girl name Ashley wanting you to be her friend with a profile picture of her booty bent over, like she wants you to do something crazy to it.
Some times in life, things will come to you but for the most part, it would be best advise for you to create you own path and seek for those particular friends for yourself. Once you create a clear and clean path, usually the same quality of people will soon travel on that same road back to you.
And there is nothing wrong having Tom as your best friend; he has feelings too!
Your Best Bud,
JC!
-If you need a friend, I’ll be there for you. Just send a request to myspace.com/askjeesus.
Tags: friends, list, myspace, people, top
Posted in Social/Political Questions | Comments (0)
Why Is It That People Say “Fear God”?
October 18th, 2008
Oh JEESUS! Why is it that people say “Fear God!”? Are we supposed to live our lives in constant fear that you will kill us if we dont follow your laws?
-Mr. Bo Planters
Dear Mr. Planters,
First of all, they’re not my laws. I’m not the one you have to worry about. I’m not the one who’s been accused of worldwide homicide by drowning! I’m not the one who’s been accused of turning people into pillars of salt! But that’s how it is, I guess: you hang out with someone enough and you start getting blamed for the things the other person does.
If anything, I should be afraid of you people. You’re the ones who have ceremonies where you pretend to drink my blood and eat my flesh. That’s creepy!
But whether or not you should fear God is a different question. Same answer, but different question.
I don’t understand why so many people who claim to worship God attribute so many clearly negative traits to Him. He’s understood to be jealous, vengeful, vain, petty, aloof, biased, and angry. Many of His followers refer to themselves as “God-fearing” people. But can you love someone and fear them at the same time? And if you have good reason to fear someone, how can they love you?
I mean, I know I child can love his mother in general, but fear her when she gets drunk and starts throwing platform shoes at him. But if he fears her all the time, then there’s a problem in the relationship.
Of course, that’s not a valid comparison because “God works in mysterious ways”, right? Wrong. That phrase is not even from the Bible. God never said that He wanted His motives to be a mystery. If He did, why would He give us the Bible in the first place? He could have just given us James and the Giant Peach, which is much more entertaining to read.
If God made man in His image, then the traits that we see as positive characteristics should be traits that we attribute to God: kindness, mercy, compassion, generosity, minty fresh breath, and courage. People talk about God’s mercy like peasants would talk about the mercy of a tyrant; as if God is showing us infinite mercy and kindness by not slaughtering us every time He’s in a bad mood. Do you think that God is only good sometimes? God is not your alcoholic mother!
A perfect God would exhibit those traits all the time, and He would want us to have those traits as well. He would not want us to live in fear of Him, and he would not want our motivation for doing good to be fear of punishment. Acting out of fear does not make you a better person. You have to do right because you know it’s the right thing to do.
And if you’re following someone who’s angry and wants you to fear him… it’s probably not God. Ask him to show some ID.
Thanks,
Jesus
Tags: fear, god, people
Posted in Religious Questions | Comments (0)
Why Do People Worship The Cross?
October 18th, 2008
Oh Jesus! why is it that people, not only, worship the cross? but go beyond that! to worship the cross with your mutilated body on it?
-Mr. Bo Planters
Dear Mr. Planters,
I can see why it doesn’t make sense to you that some of my followers worship the cross. It doesn’t make sense to me either. It’s like if Martin Luther King Jr.’s followers hung little rifles all over the place in his honor. Or if Dracula fans hung wooden stakes around their necks.
Or remember that guy in Seatlle who died from injuries sustained while allowing a horse to sodomize him? It would be like if his family put little wooden horse penises all over their homes. It just wouldn’t add up.
As far as the use of my image goes, I would prefer a different representation. Nobody likes to get lynched, but seeing little statues of your lynching all over the place can be really nerve-wracking. First of all, it wasn’t my best day. I look emaciated, weak, and defeated. I was a pretty strong guy in my lifetime. And I was also very good-looking (if I do say so myself). I’d rather be depicted with my shirt off, the sun on my back, muscles rippling as I hauled in a net full of fish. That would be hot.
But I get the idea: people want to be reminded of my suffering. And that’s fine if that’s what you use the cross for. But don’t use it as an ornament to impress your friends. Don’t cover it with expensive, ostentatious jewels and precious metals. What message is that sending? That I suffered so that you could get rich?
Um… no, I didn’t. Jackass.
But the real reason that people are so obsessed with the cross reaches back through history to the time of Constantine. And I don’t mean the movie starring Keanu “I Do All My Acting With One Facial Expression” Reeves. I mean Flavius Valerius Aurelius LeeRoy Constantinus, the Roman Emporer who in 325 AD summoned the Council of Nicaea, which basically transformed Christianity into a more easily swallowed pill.
“In hoc signo vinces.” Constantine claimed to have received this message in a dream along with a vision of a cross. It’s basically Latin for “in this sign you will conquer.” And that’s what he did.
And that’s the basis for what the majority of Christians believe today. Christianity lasted less than 300 years before becoming a tool that power-grabbing leaders could use to manipulate the masses. But, hey, I’m not bitter.
On a related subject, Barack Obama recently decided to stop wearing his flag-shaped lapel pin all the time. After the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, wearing the pin became a fad for US citizens who wanted to appear patriotic, particularly for politicians and journalists. Obama says that he’d rather let his words and actions demonstrate his patriotism, and that he doesn’t need a flag pin to show it.
Amazingly, he’s getting criticized for his decision. Now I’m not the biggest Barack Obama fan in the world, but I can appreciate the choice he’s making. I understand.
A lot of people use the cross to show that they’re Christians instead of showing it through their words and actions. Which is a shame, because a lot of people who wear the cross aren’t really Christians. So please, people, show your Christianity through your deeds, not through an image of a torture device on a chain around your neck.
Adios,
Jesus
Tags: cross, people, worship
Posted in Religious Questions | Comments (0)
